she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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