Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
