pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
