I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
