i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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