I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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