Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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