sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
