My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
