Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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