Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
