she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
