i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
