I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
