I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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