He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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