id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
