Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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