Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
