there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
