He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
