This is not my ceiling
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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