Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
