he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
