she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
