The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
