I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
