'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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