This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
