I'm drive I can fine osifer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
