I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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