Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
