I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Walk of Shame today included voting.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
