Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My liver just broke up with me...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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