Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
