Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
honey bunches of taint.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
