just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
