I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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