Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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