question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
