The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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