You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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