apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize