you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
