i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
