I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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