Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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