The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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