maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
