I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
