Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
