Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
