I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
