Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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