Pappa wants mamma naked
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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