I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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