so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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