Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
