im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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