I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
