I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
