Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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