Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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