also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
