i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
