you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Houston, we have a squirter
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize