yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we should paint friendship bongs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
