i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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