It's Friday. Sex?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
