At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Welp...herpes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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