4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
