we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
