i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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