I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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